Jayden Jaymes & Lisa Ann

Fish Without Bicycles

120 Photos + Video

As it turns out, August 29th happens to be “National Women’s Equality Day.” Apart from being somewhat aghast that this concept still qualifies for merely a “Day” of special note, we nonetheless wanted to provide a special Risqué Celebration of the event. As it also turns out, we should note, it happened to be November 29th by the time this editorial actually made it to (digital) print. It could be that some man kept pushing the post in favor of other deemed priorities, or it could be that this particular company happens to be dominated by women, so “equality” has never really become an issue. Preface now complete…

Back in ancient times when “hashtag” meant “number” if it came before a set of numerals, and “pounds” if it came after, women used to fight loudly for equal treatment in society. Some of the bravest used to wear t-shirts that said, A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. Now, truth be told, this may not have been entirely effective, as it basically made women laugh and men think, “Why would a fish need a bicycle?”

Back then, the boys would go out and “strap one on” which meant drink until they got stupid — that being merely a matter of degree in most cases, obviously. Men have just never really understood women, you see, but most of us now probably understand that strap one on in a purely female context means something substantially different, albeit perhaps similarly playful. As it turns out, though, our initial thoughts of taking advantage of illustrated political statement with Jayden Jaymes and Lisa Ann basically decayed like, well, a bicycle in a fish’s garage.

We don’t know any men that visit each other to try on underwear together, but for some reason when men make lesbian movies, they always think this sort of activity seems perfectly reasonable. The ladies here play their parts well — and technically play with each other’s parts very well — but our opportunity for cutting-edge commentary via two very articulate women just never happened. And this occurs even when one considers the “men are completely unnecessary” aspects of the strap-on. Too bad, because some of those former t-shirt-wearing feminists we used to know could likely make good use of a situation like this. Pity, that.

Sadly, after all these years, the battle rages on, at least in terms of minor details in the workplace like maternity leave, and promotions and salary. Worse, nobody wears t-shirts with social commentary on them anymore. Perhaps we should consider that #equality would be appropriate? How about #nodicks?

…And after we finish all this equality of the sexes thing, somebody can help us figure out the answer to a question. If we’re considering a topic about the use of hashtags in modern society, and we want to tweet about it, would be #hashtags or maybe ###?

See how complicated modern life can be? T-shirts were easier.

@MyJaydenJaymes@thereallisaann